Because No One Should Be Alone On Christmas
by PCGirl
Summary: Joliday fic set in 2012. John comes back to Llanview on Christmas Eve and new and old truths are realized.


Disclaimer: Characters and locations are all property of ABC/Disney. I'm just using them for my writing pleasure and am returning them to their dusty vault when I'm done.

A/N: Wow-it's great to say I get to post a Joliday story again. I started writing this back in 2012 along with another one. But neither of them ever got off the ground past the first scene. Well, now you are in luck-because they both are ready for your reading pleasure. Wait-what's that? Oh yeah, there's a 2nd Joliday fic for New Years, but you'll have to wait a week for that. ;) So may everyone have a Merry/Happy (insert holiday of your choosing). Enjoy and review if you feel the need. Until next time-ya'll are the best-PCGirl.

* * *

John glanced over at the 'Welcome to Llanview' sign and turned off the radio he'd been listening to for the past few hours. He still wasn't completely sure of his plan—remembering a call he made at the beginning of this trip.

 _"Hey Johnny—shouldn't you be on a plane here?"_

 _"That's why I'm calling, Mike," he said as he threw his bag into his car and slammed the trunk shut._

 _"What? You have another case already?"_

 _"No," he paused. "I'm going to Llanview."_

 _"Oh."_

 _"Oh? That doesn't sound very positive," he said with a slight laugh._

 _"No, I—I think it's great that Natalie is going to let you spend Christmas with Liam," said Michael as he looked at Marcie and then noticed the silence on the other end. "Unless she has no idea you are coming. Wow—talk about playing with fire."_

 _"I—I've got to do this Michael. I've got to try—I don't want him to be a teenager and have no memories of me whatsoever."_

 _"I gotcha. Good luck and I'll save you a piece of pie just in case this doesn't work out."_

 _"Thanks Mike," he laughed._

So here was John—at 11 pm Christmas Eve driving through a place that was home for so long and wondering if anyone actually would welcome him here. Passing the hotel he knew there was no way he'd stay there—one for the memories and two for the fear of Roxy questioning him to death on all the stupid crap he'd done for the past six months.

Of course, The Palace was out too—so that only left one place, the dingy no-tell motel on the outskirts of town. First though—a stop by Rodi's. Pulling into the parking lot his thoughts of alcohol went away when he saw the only other car in the parking lot was hers.

* * *

Natalie stood up from the squatting position she had been in—all the presents were sorted—now for her to just load them to the car. Turning around she jumped at the sight of him. "What the hell, John? You scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry—I,"

"Don't—whatever you have to say doesn't matter," she said as she tried to get past him and he pushed the storage room door shut. "Move now," she said with an icy glare and put her hand over his on the door knob. When she pulled the door it wouldn't budge. "Great."

"What? Let me try," said John as he tried to pull, and it didn't open for him either.

"It's useless John—it's been sticking for months."

"Why didn't you fix it?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I should have made time between being a single mom to a toddler and working full time," she snapped. "You should be glad Jeff's been running this place by himself because I sure as hell don't have time for it. And I don't have time for being stuck in here with you either."

"Sorry—that came out wrong. Where's your phone? We'll call him to come let us out."

"It's-," she turned around in a circle and cursed, "out there on the bar. Where's yours?"

"In the car," he said sheepishly.

"Great—just great," she said as she sat down on a crate and covered her face. "You know—this is all your damn fault, John."

"How was I supposed to know the door would stick?"

"Not just that. You left—we hit a bump in the road and you gave up. What the hell? Was she good?"

"There was a restraining order against me," he said, raising his voice as he studied the door frame.

"What are you talking about? Restraining order? You really think I'd keep you from your son?" she said as she closed her eyes—as many times as she'd had this argument in her head with him she really didn't feel like doing it now. "I guess we really never knew each other that well, did we? Didn't see you as the cheating type."

"I didn't cheat," he said as he gave up on the door and turned and leaned against it. Her head was down, he could tell by her posture she was tired. "Here," he said as he took his coat off and handed it to her.

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Use it as a pillow and lay down—you're exhausted Natalie."

She pushed it away, "You weren't here then-I don't need you now."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, don't play dumb with me John. I know you got the letter-Dad told me he made sure they hand delivered it to you."

John laughed, "The only one I ever got from you sweetheart was the one that said you had found a new man-you weren't looking for someone. That it just happened. Where is he anyways, Natalie? Why isn't he here helping you while you two play family with my son!"

"What are you talking about? My letter said none of that-I wrote it while-," she stopped. She had shed enough tears for John McBain and that ordeal.

John looked at her-he could tell when she wasn't telling him the whole truth. There was more to what she was saying, but he could tell she was at least telling the truth about the letter. "While you were what, Natalie?"

Natalie turned around facing the back wall, she couldn't look at him as she said it, "While I was losing your child."

Her voice had been so soft-so distant that he wasn't sure he heard her right, "My what?"

"Your child!" she yelled as she spun back around and started pounding his chest. "I was pregnant-and the stress of everything made me lose the baby. And you weren't there. You weren't there," she said as she fell to the ground in sobs.

At hearing her say those words and then her immediate reaction John felt like he'd been stabbed in the gut. Coming to her side he kneeled down before taking her in his arms, "I never knew. Please know that, ok?" he whispered and tried with all his might to keep his composure.

Natalie pushed herself off of him and returned to the crate, "I—I thought you'd come. I was so sure you would be there, that no matter what was going between us you would at least come or call or something. But it was silence. Dad swore he sent my letter and that you obviously didn't care."

"I never would have made you go through that alone, Natalie. Please know that," he said as he leaned against the door. He kept his eyes closed for a moment, willing the tears over another lost child away. It hurt before when it had happened with Marty-but this time, knowing what she went through and for her to think he'd let her go through it alone-it hurt so much worse.

Natalie nodded quietly, "I had mom. And Jess before she moved to London."

"It's not the same—I should have been here," he said as he walked over to the shelves and began digging through the boxes. Coming back with a bottle of his whiskey he popped it open and took a gulp before handing her the bottle, "Drink."

"John," she said with a shake of her head.

"Drink. It'll calm your nerves," he ordered as he sat down on the floor beside her and took a breath. "You don't know about the restraining order?"

"No. Is there really one?" she asked as she took a sip and handed him the bottle back.

John looked at the ceiling, wondering if he could get the tiles to pop out and somehow crawl to the other side of the door. The room was already small-but right now it felt like it was suffocating him. "It came a few days after you saw the picture and went to London. Had your signature on it and everything. From the BE legal department."

Natalie realized what had happened and shook her head, "No, that was-Dad told me that was something else. That it was something board related and not to worry about the details. Do you really think I'd keep your son away from you?" she asked, tears swimming in her eyes.

John let out a deep breath, "No. And I didn't come back here because I knew I couldn't stay away from you two if I was in Llanview. Maybe if I had-."

"I may have still lost her," she said as she wiped her tears.

"Her? It was a girl?" he asked, looking up at her unable to stop the tears this time.

"I wanted to think so. It really was too early to tell. I named her Riley. Riley Jo McBain," she said with a sad smile.

John smiled at the name and pictured a little red headed girl that he'd dreamt about before and then reached for the bottle again to wash away the hurt of never seeing her, "I like it."

"Good. I—I wanted to give her the middle name Evelyn, but then I worried it wasn't a girl. So, I gave it Jo, just in case it was a boy after all."

"Makes sense," he said as he suddenly heard someone shout their names from outside.

"Hey-we're in here!" they both began yelling and pounding on the door. It took a minute before they were greeted by Rex on the other side.

Rex looked around the room and grinned, "Well, I don't see any blood."

"How'd you know we were in here?" asked Natalie, excited to be rescued.

"Marcie. She texted me to warn me John was coming to town. So, I tried to get a hold of you. When there was no response, I drove over to make sure you two hadn't killed each other."

John grinned at his sister-in-law's reaction at the two of them being in the same room, wondering who she was more worried about getting hurt. Grabbing a box off the shelf he used it to prop the door open as Natalie and Rex began to load the cars up.

When Natalie came back in after the putting the last bag in her car and sending Rex back to the house she found John racking the pool table for a game. "Hey-where are you staying tonight?"

"Probably the Minute Man," he shrugged, not taking his eyes off the table. It wasn't her fault-not the losing the baby, not the restraining order, not the months he'd been away before the stupid kiss, but he couldn't make himself look at her. He had to wrap all this new information around his head before he even thought about a bed or sleep.

"No-come to the house-there's plenty of room even with Rex, Gigi, and Shane."

John shook his head as he broke, "Not a good idea, Natalie."

Slamming her hand down on the table she forced him to look at her, "Do you remember what you said to me at the lodge our first Christmas? You told me that nobody should be alone on Christmas.

"So yes, we've got a lot more to hash out, but you need to be there when your son wakes up in the morning. Can we just have a 24-hour cease fire? Please."

Looking at her he saw the same tiredness as before, but also a sadness at the realization of what all they'd lost over the past six months and the cause of most of it, "Ok, but I'm not going to Llanfair for your family's Christmas-if I see your dad right now," he stopped, he didn't want to say it out loud, but he seriously wanted to kill the man right now.

Natalie nodded, thinking maybe she'd lie in the morning and say Liam had a fever, "Me too, John. It wasn't just you he hurt." Hearing the church bells from St James she held her hand out, "It's Christmas-let's go home to our son."

John put the pool cue down and took her hand in his. For today they were going to call it a cease fire, but he knew the war wasn't over. That with him back in town it was truly just beginning, and before it was over there would be more tears, more anger, more hurt. But maybe by some miracle they could come out together on the other side.


End file.
